so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
