mondays should just be called national damage control day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
