Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
