And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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