community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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