Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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