Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
