i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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