My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
