I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
