so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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