Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
