During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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