Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
