just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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