five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
