I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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