it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
