I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize