I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize