you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
