do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
