He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
