Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
