i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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