My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
