in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
