So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
