Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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