mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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