I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
