and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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