Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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