I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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