i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
