For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
