Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
