If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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