I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
