I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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