I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
