Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
