I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
