Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
