A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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