so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize