i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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