I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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