friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
