I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
As shirtless as possible
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
