It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
