I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
