I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
