Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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