also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
