he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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