I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
