I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
