Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
