Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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