How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
